On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
