Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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