just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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