Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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