3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
