You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
