There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
