she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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