please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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