found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
