U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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