hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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