My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
