Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
