I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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