Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
