Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
