your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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