First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
