If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
