Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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