She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do vagina's smell?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
