i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
