I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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