Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
