i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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