just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
