Nicole vs. Life
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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