Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
