she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
