Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
