Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
