she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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