Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
