I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
