When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
