Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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