Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
