she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
