Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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