first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
