well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
