So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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