Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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