awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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