bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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