The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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