College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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