get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
