just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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