In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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