think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
