just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
