I must be too annoying 4 u.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
