She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
