I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
