Need sex. Gaining weight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize