there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
