I didn't shave. On purpose
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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