summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
