You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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