I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He did a backflip because drugs
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