I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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