i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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