I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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