So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
