So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
