Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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