He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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